Demons: Falling Short Of A Dream

Breaking Through

Most mornings, I wrestle with the same old demons who have plagued me for as long as I can remember. Doubt, Loathing, and Pity are constant companions who just won’t leave well enough alone. The worst part is that I am living a dream and these three keep getting in the way. So, today, to inspire myself, I will begin to confront these demons head on.

Doubt: A feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction

My photography just doesn’t make the grade. If it did, I would have more clients and more models seeking to work with me on a regular basis.

This despite the fact that my “hobby” is a registered business. Photography makes enough money to support itself. I am very close to paying myself back for anything I have ever purchased towards pursuing this dream.

Loathing: a feeling of intense dislike or disgust

There is something about me that drives people away. They just refuse to communicate with me or it is so disjointed that nothing ever happens.

This despite the fact that I’ve worked with hundreds of subjects. Regular clients call for my services year after year. I literally walk past a wall of my portraits every day that I go to my full-time job. I can always do better but there is not a single photo that I am not proud to see.

Pity: A cause for regret or disappointment

I never got the chance to work with this model or that potential client. Not only would it have been fun, but it might have been a positive turning point for my business. Why do I always have to screw things up?

This despite the fact that there are models who count me among their favorites. A few have broken through the professional relationship and become friends. I have clients that celebrate my professional successes with me. Sometimes, I get to give back to those clients in unexpected ways that, a decade ago, would never have crossed my mind.

These demons tell me that this is all penny ante stuff, that it amounts to nothing. Yet, when I think about how many people I have met thanks to my passion for photography, it inspires me, driving me to do more despite their sinister whispers.

We all have our demons. How do you tackle yours?

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